I wish I didn’t have to wear hearing aids. I wish I could tie my hair in a bun publicly and confidently. I wish I had a nice skin. I wish I had a greater height. I wish “my crush” likes me too. I wish I was strong enough to face the crowd. I wish I had the strength to speak up. I wish I had everything that normal girls have. I wish I was enough for someone or something. I wish I was beautiful enough. I wish I could feel that I am.
Yet all those things didn’t matter when I found the True Beauty of my life—Jesus Christ. One day, I was confident with my outfit and with my hair in a bun seemed a greater pair to my clothes. And I did, though at home. I was feeling great; I was honestly feeling beautiful despite the imperfections I was seeing. I was actually seeing the real me—the perfectly imperfect Rinnah. And I thought, I shouldn’t just feel beautiful, but I have to know, because that’s the truth. The truth that gives me freedom to express, to feel, and to live it. The truth that stands right in the Bible. The truth that was said by the Creator of everything.
Yes, I do; I still get insecure. Yet, I fight by the Strength that is within me. I fight by the Security that lives in me. I fight the suicidal thoughts, doubts, and lies by the Power that is within me. And behind the weak woman that I am, I fight because Someone fought my attention for the truth; the truth that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The truth that whatever the world throws at me, I am the most beautiful creation He has made aside from the stars, the moon and the sky.
There were nights I could not fall asleep because, I hated what I have. I hated what imperfection took place in my body. I hated how God did not make sense. I hated how I felt like I was not brave enough to get up my bed and say “I AM MORE THAN THIS.” I hated how my mornings turned into nights. I hated how I kept on trying so hard to accept myself. I hated how I felt I was ugly. I hated how I felt I wasn’t sufficient. I hated how weaknesses traumatize me. I hated how all those deceptions drive me.
But when His love pursues me, man, I cannot reject the kind of treatment, encouragement and affirmation God has for me. I may not feel like I am beautiful, but I am, because He says so. And that’s enough; more than enough.
And girl, you are beautiful. Not that I said so. But the Creator of the smallest and biggest stars, the Milky Way, the Black Hole, the planets, the beaches, all those things you see—is the One telling you that you are. The world may tell you otherwise, but its Creator is bigger than our planet. Don’t let lies drive you insane.
Check instagram, tumblr, lookbook, magazines. You will really get insecure. But chin up baby, you are different simply because you’re not them. You are beautiful in your own way. If you feel like dressing up with sneakers, go ahead. If you feel like wearing dresses than pants, then go. If you feel like wearing make up, go. If you don’t, fine. You are beautiful. And nothing could ever change that.
When you’re attacked by the thoughts you think you are, I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror and say “I am beautiful” a lot of times, until you realize you are. Fight that battle on, because you’re not just born as a princess, but a warrior. Smile. Don’t be afraid to look crazy in the mirror. (I do that, most of the time) Smile, laugh, turn your playlist on. Dance. Be yourself. Even just once in your life, be you. Be-you-tiful. Give yourself a favor. As you smile, praise God, because He has created you, with purpose, hope, love, joy and security, and you deserve to experience it.
I know that women are vulnerable and emotional, but be strong and courageous, because you’re more than what others think. You are a beautiful brave woman.
(Kaya mo ‘yan, wag kang magpatumba sa mga salita ng mundo. Love you.)