I feel terrible not to be able to write just because there are certain things I don’t want to look back on (like losing someone I’ve never had), but it’s the feeling that ironically makes me satisfied fully despite in a chapter that broke me.
There are days where my heart wants to express its emotions so bad but when I think about it, I have complications of realizations that it’ll be a lot more painful to have memories flashback in the future when I read them again or even to remember the pain that was real and hard to be healed from. The sad thing about missing someone is grieving for someone who is still alive. The sad thing about moving on is the post trauma after the day you both ended – whether that is about friendship or a love thing – because when you finally become detached to someone, you’ll feel lost one way or the other. The sad thing about remembering someone is being hit hard by the stories you both made but then you have to let go and move on. Losing someone is not as easy as losing a toy. Because it is a life that you have lost – a soul, a heart, a memory, a story – that you have to bury on the ground forever.
The tears that you have shed, the days that cornered you in your room, the memories that stabbed you, the what ifs (even the whys) that you’ve asked yourself – these are the things that you have to put to an end and destruct them. If destroying yourself means building yourself again, do so. If moving forward means conquering new heights, then do so.
All these sad things will bring you to the totality of the big picture of what you’ve been through and at the very end they will all make sense. Losing someone will make sense. Heartbreaks will make sense. Because all things happen for a reason. You just have to know that even if it doesn’t give you a point, it will. Take heart, it will.