Wide-awake at 2am: are you fulfilled yet?

We have big ambitions for ourselves, for the society, for our family, and for the world. We have this inner desire to transform and leave a legacy when we die. But what does it really mean to be fulfilled even when no one witnessed you being this spectacular person that you are?

As a student for 15 years, I have experienced reaching someone’s expectations because I don’t want to end up in a place of disappointment. Sounds familiar, because one way or the other, we have encountered being pressured by parents, school, work, our bosses and the like. Whether that would be a kind of imaginary audience, or realistic audience, nor the audience of ourselves, our desire is to be fulfilled with what we do currently.

We look on our windowpanes watching sunsets and wonder how we can achieve our gigantic dreams and extensive plans we have ahead when all that we have is effort, money, and ourselves. But how about our support system? Won’t we need that? Definitely, we do. Often times, we’d feel accomplished when the people close to our hearts uphold us, but what if they don’t? Our future doesn’t hang on them though; this world doesn’t need and shouldn’t impose and lay down how our lives should run the way it should be – because the truth is, our aspirations are not theirs. We at times have to crawl, climb, swim, walk or run – but nonetheless, it’s again, our goals, not their own.

Somehow, as I mature in age, I’ve learned to be fulfilled with the little things I do – even when sometimes they don’t make sense. For instance, studying a course that doesn’t seem relevant with my program; or going through a situation not knowing why it has to happen. Yet these entirety sums up to a greater life that God has prepared for us; because no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined the plans He has (1 Corinthians 2:9). But surely, His dreams for us are to flourish and give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Many people are frustrated with their jobs because they don’t know why they are there in the first place. A lot suffer in marriages because one of the many causes is probably the late realization that they married an abusive person. Scores of individuals wait for a miracle to get down on their trays and yet stay unproductive. But how are we supposed to be fulfilled in a life congested of unknowns, and anonymities? Are we supposed to reach the world’s standards to feel okay, and accomplish the profession this planet has to offer because we’d be paid for it? Or are we supposed to fulfill the calling we have because that’s what we’re made to do?

It is possible not to feel fulfilled even when we have chosen the profession we want; but it’s impossible to not feel fulfilled when we grab our calling and make it known to us fully. Because calling has been designed to us even when we were still in our mother’s womb, while profession is something we discover everyday what we’d like to contribute for the world’s betterment.

Older people I know tell me that sometimes calling won’t be as pleasing as it seems to us and to others. Sometimes, it would be uncomfortable. The calling that is mapped out for us would seem a poky dream at first that leaves a tendency of interpersonal comparison, but unless we know our purpose and reason why we do the things the way we do, we will never understand the incomprehensible, at least, in the human mind, of attaining our main mission in life.

But ultimately, when we know that God is bigger than our “boundless and immeasurable” dreams we have, our future is completely secure.

I have honestly felt thwarted and upset because there would be days I needed affirmation and validation for my labor but no one did. I have felt down and purposeless because none appreciated the things I’ve done. But is that really the goal of becoming fulfilled?

Absolutely not.

Being fulfilled is one vague term to describe. Though it’s not just about the immense efforts we do for the industry, but sometimes it’s just about being kind to the people around you. But for a 20-year-old perspective, I believe that being fulfilled is knowing why you’re in a certain position in life and do the things that you’re supposed to do. Being fulfilled unfortunately sometimes requires none to see the substantial and significant deeds you have done, even when you’re near your life’s ending – even when your name wouldn’t be included in history books and would be eternally forgotten by the world. It’s fine; that’s entirely okay because the fact that you’ve lived your life to do small or big things that satisfy you, that is one important factor for you to feel complete, contented and untroubled. Even when that means loving your family, or just painting beautiful images on your desk.

God sees you, and your heart. Whatever you do, He honors it.

Remember why you started. Set aside the pressure, stress and load that you’re carrying. Being fulfilled starts knowing your purpose.

Why are you here? Certainly, you matter, but know the reason of your importance. Whether your parents attempted aborting you or not, the world is not the same without you, my friend.

-Rinnah Ramirez


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