What it means when you validate you’re sorry

Our parents taught us to be apologetic to authorities or to people when we have committed a mistake that either offended or hurt them. It’s easy to apologize when we’re the offenders but how about when we’re not?

Often times, we forget that saying sorry doesn’t necessarily give a meaning that the other person is right, but because we support the fact that whether they’re the ones who have wronged us, their vulnerability to pain is valid, and that’s where humility comes in. Their pain hopefully becomes our main goal why we acknowledge that we’ve caused them discomfort one way or another.

Many people out there especially older adults (including us which give us the criteria of being older to someone else) are usually entitled to being served and are the ones who are supposed to wait for someone’s apology rather than us initiating the act. But the reality is, we hurt one another. We probably are aware of the scenario where parents discipline their children and scold them when they break the rules. They argue because their child’s excuse doesn’t sound rational so they end up offending them and say things that aren’t supposed to be said. Likewise, when it hits the child of becoming rude and arrogant because his or her parents are harsh, the result becomes worse – they answer back that can cause an offense.

But even we try to analyze and dissect each scenario who really have wronged, both parties are ought to apologize, honor, and correct one another. Nothing comes by age, apparently. When you’re wrong then you’re wrong.

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I heard a father say that when he asks for forgiveness to his child that would mean that his child was right and he was wrong, and he would feel upset about it because it would end up leading to huge wreckage to his dignity as a dad. This is a wrong mindset, unfortunately. He may have a point but the fact that his pride of saying that he stands honorable among their argument, becomes a mistake. Regrettably, we are also like the father in general circumstances. We are being trapped in a lie that we’re right when we’re not.

One day, I admired someone’s heart that asked for forgiveness from me because he played a part in giving pressure on me as a church volunteer that caused me to isolate myself. He was sorry because he was one of the reasons why I was out. That softened my heart because he allowed himself to acknowledge the truth of becoming one of the factors to my brokenness.

They said, forgiving others doesn’t always require the offender to say sorry because healing is our choice in the end. But when the offender validates and acknowledges that at some point he has contributed to wound someone, it adds to the overall healing of the victim.

Let us all remember that when someone is in pain, doesn’t always have to mean it is valid in your eyes. When someone has been hurt, they are really hurt. Apologize.

 

– Rinnah Ramirez

 

 

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