It feels empty. It feels that I’m in a film from the Day After Tomorrow where all these buildings – tall and small alike – and bridges fall before me as I stand still with a heavy heart. My system has been shutting down lately. I feel all these great and incredible clouds pour down big rainfall on my bare face. I want to scream. I want to cry. I feel stuck in a post-apocalyptic situation where everything around me is dead and meaningless.
In times like these, I see God’s grace holds my entire body and touch my heart in comfort. Here I am again, in the state of uncertainty why I feel this way. The depressive state. I have been a psych major for four years already, and I have found the true meaning applicable to me of what it means to nurture myself whenever I’d hit this state once again: a good book, a good music and an alone time with God most of all – while the rest of the world is endlessly an absolute noise and distraction. I have finally found what it takes to be healthy to avoid toxicity inside – to make this known to my family and few friends and make them understand that I sometimes become sick of existing. Yet I am reminded that His grace becomes the very sufficiency of my lowest points in life. Here I am crashing down with the grace of God humbling me to seek Him and know and believe that He is greater.
In a span of a week, I felt drained and tired when this entire week made me simply a home-person. I never went out of the house; I cancelled plans with my college friends last night because it seemed I was just being torn into pieces. I seem to be extremely overpowered by emotions that overwhelms my soul badly. And this gloomy weather makes me sadder. Thankfully, even in my temporary condition of believing the enemy’s deceptions and emotional failure – the failure of functioning well – I am caught in His sovereign hands that I would be okay: the turning point of all.
It’s the Truth that makes all the difference, and I am comforted. I am loved. I am whole. I am entirely complete. I am wanted. I am adored. I am valued. I am important. All this is because of the One who loved me the most.
I am a masterpiece in progress. I come with the power of Grace and the power of His love. I am eternally victorious. The heavens sing with me wholeheartedly being so in awe with this majestic King who finds my crashing downs graceful because He is the One who lifts me up in the end of all days.
Overall, the seemingly death of us is given over and surrendered at the very foot of the victorious cross whom Jesus won it all. We are alive as He has given it fully.
2 Corinthians 4:7-12
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.”