A Wrestle of Worth and Calling

He [God] has called you by name.

Yet what if unworthiness gets in the way and make you feel you are not worthy to be in the place of God’s ability to use you?

I couldn’t sort out how many times in a week do I ever feel this way, of just becoming emotionally and spiritually ill that comes with a questioning of worth that God has placed upon my head. To think of it, who am I? A ragged servant, an everyday sinner, a wretched woman – who am I to serve in the kingdom of God and be called His own?

He calls me upon the waters.

He calls me to fly among the eagles.

He calls me to walk in the desert.

He calls me to every place I have to be – not knowing I have a task to do – not knowing I have been set apart for this.

Lord, really?

I could just bet that God would’ve given up on me because of my childish attitude asking Him every time of my value as I respond to His call. I am as ignorant as this foolish world. But my bet would always result otherwise. He never gives up. He would lovingly rebuke, yet build and remind me that I am worth more than the infinite seemingly world could offer.

Responding to God’s call would take a lot of our everything – time, energy, money, effort. It could take our comfort away by becoming uncomfortable. It would take our convenience away when we follow God. But whenever I would over think it, it doesn’t entirely make sense why God would put us in a position needing a total succumb to obey Him whatever it takes.

I couldn’t magnify the bigger picture why He chooses us to be somewhere where we would feel like we’re the most worthless among others. Yet, realizing all these whys and replacing it with whats – I say, we are worthy because He is worthy; hence, the calling that He is entrusting us is worth our value. No greatness of our sin could lessen it.

Photo by: Ashton Mullins

My emotions come in high and low, and I inquire to my own self to why I am deserving to the calling God is giving me. But knowing that He is faithful at all times and His promises endure forever, I am rest assured that though my fears would fleet and my faith would waver, I have been called by name, and not by my sin nor my limitation.

I literally tend to wrap myself in a blanket and cover my face with this white big pillow on bed as if I could degrade the value and escape the responsibility I have been called to, as if I could hide and let God be blind not to see me. But no matter how I try, this faithful Lord would always bring me back on track to remind me that this mission is about Him and never about me. And though these can be overwhelming and draining, He fills my empty cup into an overflow as I continue to remain in Him.

If I may have to describe, I could be a warrior on a weekend and be the ugly, loser, and defeated duckling left paralyzed and tied to its own death everyday. How brilliant our minds could be. A mind that absorbs everything but the truth. Powerfully it speaks grave and end. It highlights and emphasizes of who and what we are as sinners yet here comes the good news: the power of God’s Name makes every deception bow and fall on their knees to the point that they have no life, glory and dignity to the children of the living King – for He is above every name – every limit – and every lack.

Though we may be faced with a line up of hideaways, hurt, heartbreak, pain and nothingness on the warzone, no one could stop and hinder the great fulfillment of God’s purposes He has given you and me. As His promise assures, there is no weapon of the enemy shall prevail nor prosper, because we are His – the sons and daughters of the King of kings and the Lord of lords.

We are protected. We are secure. We are covered.

We wrestle our worth by knowing and believing the truth, and we fight our calling by knowing our worth before the Father’s eyes.

We are worthy because we are called. We are called because we are worthy. These boil down to the reason of His ever winning and sufficient grace, covered by the blood of Jesus our Savior.

It won’t be easy, not a piece of cake. But the power of God is within which enables us to transform and be the giants winning all battles because simply it has been won. It is by His power and grace that allow us to stay intact with the worth He has beautifully exchanged on the cross in which Jesus died on and pursuing the call no matter how tough it gets on a daily basis.
– Rinnah Ramirez


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